Everyone got his own alter ego, or so called second life, or Dexter (that lovely TV serial starred by Michael C. Hall) would name it his ‘Dark Passenger’. I once told my friend that this world has gone crazy, many people doing crazy things upon their legalized reason. I’ve stopped worrying others that I don’t really wanna get involve with since I’ve ever really hurt by the single reason I was being left (by anything, anyone, in anyhow), it just didn’t fit anymore.
I would name my other life ‘a Skinless Mind’. For those who’s ever read my writing may think that I’m such a vulnerable person, melancholic or mentally disturbed who’s trying to cover things up by writing insane ideas or careless thought against the world. Indeed I’m really that ones you thought. I’m pushing myself to do everything perfectly just to prevent myself being disappointed when asking someone’s help and they fail to manage one. I don’t wanna be friends with many strangers or maintain good relationship with others to avoid a higher expectation so that they would love and care about me as much as I care about them. I choose not to know the fact behind the lies they’re telling, I’d be better left unknown since the truth will disappoint me. Oppositely, if you notice, I’m really a caring person, a hopeless romantic and easily fall in love.
And by the name Skinless Mind, I sometimes let my mind throws its own choice. I wouldn’t let morale or ethics stop what it’s thinking best for me to do. Within that world, the life is always about me. The happiness of mine is my top priority, I just act what I impulsively love. And that ends in a pure madness, yet wildly delightful. Never letting my mind wrapped by any law, cover it like layers of skin. And it involves the obsession, the love that I thought will never die, the one that I’m dreaming enormously.
However, in my real world, real life, real reality (not the one I rearrange), I might be just a dreamer, a victim of love story literatures. But the obsession cheers me, creating a shortcut, a way out of a commitment disappointment. Like feeding my personal beast, my imaginary baby in his cradle, and let it consumes me.
In my conclusion : don’t worry if you’re living your dream. Don’t question your faith, what you believe is true, or, personally right. The culture, ethics, laws, religion, civilization have create boundaries. I don’t say the boundaries is totally a false control of human behavior, it just delay you from your imagination. As long as you don’t do harm to others or causing you anxiety since it’s against your belief, go on living your second life. Do not fake anything, just act what you think makes you happy. Happiness has begun to be limited, you need to keep it as your priceless collection. And if someone came to you and said “this is not so you, what are you doing?”, it’s ok, you’re not being what you aren’t, you’re just being what you really are, because you let your dream and happiness pursuit mind taking control over yourself temporary.
I wouldn’t be ashamed of having this thought. I’ll be ashamed if I put this thought aside. And I’m writing this to explain why I behave such bipolar-ly it seems. I simply follow my Skinless Mind, and I’m happy I did.
I’m revealing my secret.
cheers,
naa
